apathy
by tautophony
Summary: Kiyoteru just wants to feel like himself again. Kaito's more than willing to help with that. / kaito, kiyoteru. (a little bit) rough play, orgasm denial. completely pwp.


"Nnh…"

Sweat dripped off his thin body as he lifted himself up on his arms, giving himself only a moment's pause before dropping back down onto Kaito's cock. A spark shot up through his body to his fingertips and he threw his head back, trying to relish in the feeling.

"K-Kiyoteru…."

"Shut… shut up," Kiyoteru breathed, shaking his head. They didn't need to exchange any words. It was selfish, _he_ was selfish, but the only reason this was even happening was because Kaito offered and now it had become routine.

A routine that Kiyoteru had become addicted to.

He held Kaito's body down with his own weight and continued to ride on top of the blue haired man, closing his eyes and biting his lip as he moved. Slide up, hold, push down. Don't look back. There was a large mirror back there and if he looked back all he could see was himself -

He felt a weight slide across the bed and immediately smacked Kaito's hands away.

"Don't… don't touch me," Kiyoteru gasped, rolling onto his knees before falling back down. He knew he was being selfish, but he _needed_ this. Kaito could grip onto the bedsheets if he needed to – holding onto Kiyoteru himself would break the illusion.

He couldn't believe how far he had fallen.

Something inside of him started to swell, and he knew he was close. A few more thrusts and he hit his climax, releasing himself over Kaito's stomach. Kaito followed shortly after, ejaculating inside of the condom that had been stretched out over his cock, preventing what would have been an annoying mess to clean.

Kiyoteru rolled off of Kaito's body and laid with his back to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He fumbled slightly with his glasses to make sure the tape was still in place, and then murmured a soft "thank you".

Kaito chose not to respond.

Their activities together had become routine. Once a week, every Sunday night before Kiyoteru had to return to work the next morning. Kiyoteru was using Kaito and they both knew it, but it was something that Kiyoteru desperately needed and the only thing Kaito could offer to help.

Kiyoteru just wanted to be himself again.

When he had first gone up to Kaito with the proposition, Kaito was noticeably concerned, but after a bit of talking to he eventually agreed. Thus began the arrangement of meeting up every Sunday, under the following conditions:

\- Kiyoteru had to be in control, even though he was bottoming.

\- Kaito wasn't allowed to hold or touch him.

\- Neither of them could say a word of anything they did in bed outside of their meetings.

It was an agreement that Kiyoteru had originally found himself okay with at first before he realized how unfair it was to Kaito. But they kept it going, and Kiyoteru couldn't stop.

When he got to his apartment later that night, he collapsed on the floor before even making it to his bedroom. It was as if a weight was pressing down on him, keeping him from lifting any of his muscles in retaliation.

He was dead tired.

Kiyoteru didn't know when it happened, but it was as if a switch within him had been turned and he didn't know how to turn it back on. He had lost all of his passion and drive for anything, and it was hard to bring himself to do the things he used to love doing.

Sex was the only way he could feel closer to how he used to be.

He hated himself for it, for stooping that low, but he didn't know what else to do. That burst of excitement he could only get from sex was his only drive anymore, and he felt useless for it.

At least Kaito was so willing to go along with him. Not that he really deserved it.

He fell asleep that night with his face still on the floor.

* * *

They didn't always have sex in Kaito's apartment.

Sometimes Kaito wanted to try different places, so Kiyoteru obliged – it was the least he could do. When it wasn't Kaito's apartment, it would be Kiyoteru's apartment, or somewhere more public like a park late at night (not exactly Kiyoteru's kink but Kaito had been more into it than ever) or inside of Kaito's car.

Kaito loved dirty talk. Some nights he would be very quiet, to the point of only ever saying three words throughout intercourse; other nights he would be talking up a storm, about how good Kiyoteru was and how Kaito wished he could hold him instead of just lie there – about how tight Kiyoteru was around his dick and how he wanted to fuck him in different positions just to see his reactions.

He knew his words had an effect on Kiyoteru, and Kiyoteru hated it.

They only ever had sex the same way – Kaito on his back, Kiyoteru riding him. It was the only way Kiyoteru knew he'd have full control in despite Kaito's claims of other positions giving him the same thing. But Kaito was very grabby, and even if what he said was true Kiyoteru couldn't trust him to not take advantage of the unfamiliar position and hold him down.

Kiyoteru wanted to feel needed, but he also wanted control.

On the other hand, Kiyoteru was always quiet during sex. Kaito always told him about how he'd love to actually hear him make noise (claiming something about how cute it'd be, which made Kiyoteru even less interested in doing it) and beg for Kaito to fuck him harder.

It was embarrassing.

"There's nothing embarrassing about sex," Kaito would always tell him, but the sort of things Kaito wanted were for people in actual loving relationships. Neither of the two men had that sort of bond with each other.

In the end all of it would amount to nothing, so Kiyoteru would rather just keep it as impersonal as possible.

 _What do you even_ want _, then, Kiyo?_

Kiyoteru wished he had the answer.

* * *

The next time they met, Kaito threw Kiyoteru onto the bed.

"Wh-?"

Before he could even get a word out, the blue haired man mashed his lips against Kiyoteru's, forcing the other into a kiss. Dexterous fingers quickly unfastened buttons and pulled at fabric, and one frenzied moment later Kiyoteru found himself almost completely naked save for his socks.

It didn't take much longer before Kaito had also stripped himself of his clothing, and he towered over Kiyoteru, pinning the bespectacled male onto the bed. Kiyoteru blinked up at him in confusion, trying to get his thoughts together –

"Hey, Kiyoteru," Kaito's voice was deep, and Kiyoteru shivered. There was something in his tone that seemed… dangerous. "Do you like me?"

"…" Kiyoteru's throat was dry, so he swallowed before opening his mouth again. "I… I guess I do?"

Kaito made a clicking noise with his tongue. "Then you wouldn't mind if I do this, right?"

He flipped Kiyoteru over so that he was lying on his stomach and lined his cock up with his backside. Kiyoteru turned his head just enough to see Kaito splashing lubricant on himself, getting ready for intrusion.

"W-wait a minute," Kiyoteru stuttered. "This isn't really –"

"I don't care anymore," Kaito interrupted him. "You've made no responses to any of the hints I dropped… so I'm going to do this by force."

With that, he entered Kiyoteru in one swift thrust.

There wasn't much of a need to stretch him out first as they had sex so often, but Kiyoteru still hissed in pain at the sudden intrusion, gripping the bedsheets so hard that his knuckles turned white. "Ahh?!"

"Make more of those noises for me, please," Kaito pleaded, dipping low and latching his mouth onto Kiyoteru's neck, searching for a spot that would make the brunet react the most.

"Nnh – wh- stop!"

"No. I want _you_ to listen to _me_ for _once in your life_ ," Kaito grunted and bit down on the other's shoulder. Kiyoteru flinched but couldn't move away due to the weight of the blue haired male's body on top of him, thrusting in and out.

Ack, it wasn't supposed to be this way… but Kiyoteru was actually starting to feel _good_.

"P-plea…se…"

Kaito made a noise and bodily lifted Kiyoteru from the bed, changing their position so that Kiyoteru would have a good, clear view of the mirror on the other side of the room – that stupid mirror he hated so much.

"Do… you see yourself, Kiyoteru…?"

Kaito grabbed Kiyoteru's chin and forced him to look in the mirror – watching himself get fucked. Kiyoteru looked like a complete mess – hair disheveled, face red, panting and gasping for air as Kaito hit that one spot in him he knew would affect him the most.

It was unfair, yet also somehow a huge turn-on.

"N-nnn…!"

"Not yet, I'm not done with you," Kaito quickly reached for Kiyoteru's discarded tie and wrapped it around the brunet's cock, tying it so tight that it nearly hurt.

A few more thrusts and Kiyoteru was ready to release – but the knot at the base of his cock quickly prevented him from doing so, and Kiyoteru was forced to hang on the edge of release.

"Ka-Kaito… !"

"That's right, say my name some more. Actually _pay attention_ ," the blue haired male's voice still had that dangerous tone, and Kiyoteru actually felt scared. Kaito's fingers digging deep into his hips were sure to leave bruises in the morning, but Kiyoteru could barely focus on that so much as the fact that _he couldn't get his release._

Kaito shifted slightly so that Kiyoteru was lower, and he pressed the brunet's head down into the mattress as he increased the intensity of his thrusts. He was thrusting in and out of Kiyoteru faster than Kiyoteru had ever made him go, and Kiyoteru felt like screaming.

Pleasure? Frustration? It felt _amazing_ either way.

"Ha… hahh… K-Kaito…! Pl-please…! Please! Ah!"

"Please _what_ , Kiyoteru?" Kaito sounded out of breath, and Kiyoteru knew that even if he didn't do anything, the blue haired man couldn't keep going forever.

So why… why did he want to submit so badly?

"Please let me cum!"

"That's not what I w-wanted to hear….."

… Huh?

A particularly powerful thrust had Kiyoteru seeing stars. He was losing his mind and all coherent thought; he couldn't piece words together or focus enough to form any plausible sentence. What did Kaito want?

What?

What…

He felt tears well up in his eyes.

"Nnh… p-please… f-fu…"

"You're going to have to… speak up louder, Kiyoteru! I can't hear you!"

Kiyoteru pressed his lips together and shut his eyes tightly closed, letting the tears fall. It was embarrassing… but he wanted to cum so _badly_.

"F… fuck me harder! Please!"

Kaito eagerly complied, pressing himself so close to Kiyoteru's body that Kiyoteru wouldn't have been surprised if they melted into each other. It was so hot and all he could focus on was the sound of bare skin slapping bare skin and the feeling of submitting himself completely to the other male.

By the time Kaito finally, _finally_ , undid the knot at the base of the other's cock and removed the tie, Kiyoteru was openly sobbing.

He could barely even register the fact that it was the first time they had sex without a condom, and Kaito was filling him up.

They both flopped down on the bed as they struggled to regain their breaths and calm down from their orgasm. Kaito seemed to get his senses back first, opening his eyes to see the state Kiyoteru was in.

"Ah shit, I didn't mean to make you cry…"

He brought up a hand to wipe his tears away, but Kiyoteru shook his head and deflected it away from himself.

"Y-you…" Kiyoteru still stumbled over his words, head fuzzy and mouth struggling to form coherent sentences. "… You suck. I hate you."

Kaito laughed and brought him closer into a hug. "I love you too, Kiyo. No, really."

Kiyoteru already knew what Kaito was thinking: _I'm glad I managed to get an actual reaction out of you._ He sniffed.

Bastard.

* * *

 _a/n – this was originally something different at first but then i wrote out that entire last sex scene and realized that it had nothing to do with what it was originally about. oops. so i changed a few things around so that it wouldn't just be left hanging (though i did leave_ some _things in that i'll incorporate in future stories)._

 _also started as a stream of consciousness thing, so i'm sorry if the pacing is weird or if something doesn't make sense. i did get to throw in a lot of my personal favorite kinks in here, soo…. hee._

 _thank you for reading!_


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